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Terrorist Advice




The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov.

The thing is that the pictures from the site are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations.




Terrorist Picture
If you have set yourself on fire, do not run



Terrorist Picture
If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.



Terrorist Picture
If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder




Terrorist Picture
If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about a cool design for a new tattoo.



Terrorist Picture
Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!




Terrorist Picture
The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.



Terrorist Picture
Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the hell away.




Terrorist Picture
Hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo have a lot in common. Think about it.




Terrorist Picture
Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.




Terrorist Picture
If a door is closed, karate chop it open.




Terrorist Picture
Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile




Terrorist Picture
After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.


Terrorist Picture
If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.




Terrorist Picture
-- If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.




Terrorist Picture
If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.



Terrorist Picture
If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.



Terrorist Picture
If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.



Terrorist Picture
Do not drive a stations wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.




Terrorist Picture
-- A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.



Terrorist Picture
Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.


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